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Posted by Anonymous on Mon 19th Sep 2011 01:49
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  1. Originally Posted by Sephsky
  2. 1 your a *** ***
  3.  
  4. 2 You always never want pawn tactics to be better
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  6. 3 because you probably suck at cod and your worried you'll suck when pawn tactics gets better
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  8. 4 why don't you upgrade your ****ing balls for once and face it like a man if you were for real you nerd i'd beat your balls up so bad you won't even be able to type
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  10. 5 i almost forgot your *** so you don't even have balls stop frigging botherin people and get a life , a straight one hopefully
  11.  
  12. 6 if i realize who you are and i meet up with you i swear im going to beat your pissy corpse so bad you'll cry to your mother while my uncle rapes her
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  14. 7 Never mess with a russian new yorker *****
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  16. ____________________________________________________
  17. (my reply)
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  19.  
  20.  
  21. Hi, thank you for sending me this letter! It was a joy to read, but I did notice a few inconsistencies. As a writer myself, it would be a shame to see this amazing piece of art turn out badly because of a few trivial errors on your part, so I will do my best to edit it!
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  23.  
  24. First of all: your title has a few mistakes. Let's go over them.
  25.  
  26. " Your *** and you suck and your family is poor and you live in the sewers you *** frog"
  27. Now, in general this is a run-on sentence. There are a few ways to correct this, which I will go over, but most egregious is the "your" instead of "you're". Let's rewrite this!
  28.  
  29. "You're ***, and you suck. Your family is poor, and you live in the sewers, you *** frog."
  30. Notice how this flows a lot better? The other one seems like a raging mess of pure anger, which was obviously not the intention at all, so I think this will help make your writing seem neater!
  31.  
  32. Next up, we have this gem: "1 your a *** ***". Beautiful in it's brevity, this gets the point across in a way that has never been seen from the greatest of authors. Poe, were he alive today, would applaud your writing, if not for the improper use of "your" instead of "you're". Don't let Edgar Allen Poe's zombie down!
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  34. Following this, you have claimed "2 You always never want pawn tactics to be better". Despite the research in this being somewhat shaky, considering my rather extensive PT suggestion record, that's a matter of subjectivity. What isn't, though, is "always never" is redundant. Always lasts an eternity, and so does never. You could have said "2. You'd never wanted pawn tactics to be better" to insist that I've always hated PT and never did. It would look neater, and the insult would sting harder!
  35.  
  36. "3 because you probably suck at cod and your worried you'll suck when pawn tactics gets better"
  37. This statement is somewhat confusing, probably because you've left out the main idea of the sentence! You could have included "You don't like this idea because you probably suck at cod and your worried you'll suck when pawn tactics gets better"... except that's a run-on sentence.
  38.  
  39. "You don't like this idea because you probably suck as COD(capitals are important), and you're worried that you'll suck when Pawn Tactics improves."
  40.  
  41. It's worth noting that writing a sentence that begins with "because" is not a good idea. I assume you were so wrapped up in the moment that you failed to remember such a trivial fact, because someone of your talent couldn't have not known grade-school grammar!
  42.  
  43. "4 why don't you upgrade your ****ing balls for once and face it like a man if you were for real you nerd i'd beat your balls up so bad you won't even be able to type "
  44.  
  45. The main problem here is the run-on sentence and highly metaphorical nature of speech. Earlier, you have called me a "*** frog", but then asked for real. Is this social commentary on the ever-fleeting nature of people's opinions on others, or existential woes? Perhaps both. Despite the brilliance in it, again, you have not edited your initial ideas before sending them to me, so I'm glad to help you.
  46.  
  47. "Why don't you upgrade your ****ing balls for once, and face it like a man? If you were for real - you nerd - I'd beat your balls up so bad you wouldn't even be able to type."
  48.  
  49. Note how I changed the word "won't" to "wouldn't". You mixed up tense in this sentence, which is a huge problem. Next, and rather importantly, is that testicular damage does not affect the nervous system, meaning that even if I were to be completely castrated my ability to type would be unhindered. I understand that you don't have time to go to a doctor to get every fact checked out, but med students would love to have their name on a major piece of writing, and they'd be glad to help you out with such things.
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  51. "5 i almost forgot your *** so you don't even have balls stop frigging botherin people and get a life , a straight one hopefully"
  52. Again, the problem here is that you mix up "your"(possessive) and "you're"(you are). Aside from that, you have made some blatant research failures on the anatomy of homosexuals. It is well regarded that they are physically similar to heterosexual men, and if twins were born - one homosexual, one heterosexual, they would both have fully functioning genitalia.
  53.  
  54. Nonetheless, here is my edit:
  55. "I almost forgot - you're ***, so you don't even have balls. Stop friggin' bothering people and get a life(a straight one hopefully)."
  56. In this case, your addendum that it should be a "straight one" is irrelevant but worth noting, and thusly goes into parenthesis. Aside from that, "frigging" deserves less of an emphasis on the final "g", and can be written to show that, but bothering does, and can also be written to show that.
  57.  
  58. "6 if i realize who you are and i meet up with you i swear im going to beat your pissy corpse so bad you'll cry to your mother while my uncle rapes her
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  60. 7 Never mess with a russian new yorker *****"
  61.  
  62. I'll tackle these in tandem, considering how nicely they flow into each other - the only problem here is how they contradict each other as well. You said that if you realise who I am, you would beat my pissy corpse so bad I'd cry to my mother, while your uncle violates her. The problem here is that in the sentence you claim to be a Russian New Yorker. The problem here is that I don't live in the same country as you, so you'd be unable to do that. Oh dear!
  63.  
  64. "If I realise who you are, and I meet up with you... I swear I'm going to beat your pissy corpse so bad you'll cry to your mother - while my uncle rapes her.
  65.  
  66. Never mess with a Russian New Yorker, *****."
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  68. While we are at it, my co-editor and friend "Hurrwaiian" has pointed out that internet access in a sewer could be problematic, namely due to the amount of water in it. In the future, think carefully about the ramifications of the metaphors you use.
  69.  
  70. And with that, we're done; I hope this helps in your future endeavours! I have sent a copy of this to Hurrwaiian(as assistant editor, of course) and EpicWin(to show the success story).

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